I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
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In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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