We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
