been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
