Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
