So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
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