Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
