hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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