This is not my ceiling
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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