I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
and i looked up. we had an audience...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Randomize
