You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
