She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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