Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
