C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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