my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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