Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
