College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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