At least make sure they are 18
Why
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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