Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
