just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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