All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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