Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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