How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
