He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
