the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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