weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize