I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
