At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize