My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize