I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize