oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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