I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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