people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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