I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
