"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
