She said her name was "party"
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
