In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
