Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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