Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
should my penis look like a turkey
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
