dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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