Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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