Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
