Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
