You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
