you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
