the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
