trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
