I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
