I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
