I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
