Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
