so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
