remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
