Is it normal to miss your booty call?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I love you. Go after that dick
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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