I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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