it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
where are you?
Hypothermia
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
