sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
