I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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