Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
