there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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