My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
