My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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