Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
