I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
