Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
