So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
