I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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