Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
