You kept calling me your small dog last night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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