My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
