I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
