The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
