just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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