Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
