Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
