I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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