You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
